yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
