If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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