Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
