Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
