My sheets look like a crime scene.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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