oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
