White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
