so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
