just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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