I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
