do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
