Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize