I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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