went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
