We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
