i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
