Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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