I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
