He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i've created a new STD.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
