no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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