based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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