i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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