I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
