Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
