babies were throwing up all over the place
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
