Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
