I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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