Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
