I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
