I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
