Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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