pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
foreskin is a definite game changer
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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