And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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