just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
