I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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