he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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