Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there's paper in my vomit.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
