I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
