people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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