I just cut my nipple shaving
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
