my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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