I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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