I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
