I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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