I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
