I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
