4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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