Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
