Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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