True but thats because hes a fetus.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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