you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
