I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
