Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize