Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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