So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
