I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
