you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
