Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize