i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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