why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish I only lived at night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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