Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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