Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
