i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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