do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
